Ended up in this vicious cycle of going to bed way too late, being fed new content to watch by Netflix but without any care to follow all the plots, filling inner void with materialism and starting to forget music.
Knowingly feel like something is wrong, but could not substantiate the worst fears.
Have kept my life at a minimum maintenance level for an extended period of time now. Whatever life force I had before, I put it towards work and work alone. Sure, it is kinda scary how good I’d gotten at every new job I’ve had within a minimum amount of time. Supposedly, there are some untouched areas in the back of my head. Maybe I have the need to be constantly intellectually challenged and occasionally emotionally challenged to feel whole again. Walking around looking like an overachiever feeling like a zombie truly was an awful feeling.
What really made me realize that I have reached an inflection point today was that I found myself starting to forget music. It was getting a bit late, I was feeling a bit self-loathing as per usual. Suddenly the urge to listen to song “World Spins Madly On” hit on. It just took me quite a while to figure out which song that was though. Barely remembered lyrics, almost did not remember The Weepies. If this was not a sign, I do not know what is. Time to get a new wireless keyboard and record the electron-formed thoughts using key strokes again. Do I miss my musical instruments too? Yes I do, but I suppose that takes a bit more than the change of the second order derivative’s sign to push me over the edge of material changes, courage and commitment to this home being a slightly more permanent home, that is.
Glad that I wrote this down. Well, here comes Monday again. This reminds me of that Nina Simone song, Here Comes the Sun, something brings the warmth element for a good night’s sleep.